thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
