You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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