You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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