Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
