Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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