For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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