Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
