Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
