Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
