once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
