how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
