I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
