do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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