i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think my moral compass just broke
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