Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize