it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Congratulations! We have a period
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