Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
