Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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