everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
