At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
