i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
