Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
