Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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