So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
