you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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