worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
