I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
