Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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