Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
