The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
