I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
