life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
