Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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