Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
