my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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