what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
