Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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