I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do vagina's smell?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
