I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
