I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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