So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
