Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
