You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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