Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pooping to opera.
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