i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
