He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
