Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
