Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
