My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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