38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
