is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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