I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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