I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
