don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
