So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
