I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
