the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
