How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
