I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
