what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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