I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
