She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
