i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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