I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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