i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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