That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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