According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize