Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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