I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
