people are starting to question the shark bite story
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize