she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
