How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
