LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
