so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
