If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
